Every dean will face moments when they must lead difficult conversations, whether it's delivering tough news or feedback, addressing underperformance or low resources, or resolving conflict. Confidence come from preparation, a clear process, and a willingness to step up.
Here's a step-by-step guide to navigating difficult conversations effectively and confidently.
Turn this blog into an action plan. Download my Difficult Conversations Planner below!
Be Crystal Clear on Your Purpose
Start by articulating, for yourself, the specific outcome you want to achieve. A clear purpose keeps the conversation on track, and help you stay focused when your emotions get triggered.
Get clear by asking yourself:
What do I ultimately wan tot achieve with this conversation?
How will I know the conversation has been successful?
Don't let the conversation derail your ultimate purpose.
Prepare for Emotional Responses
Difficult conversations often trigger strong emotions for both parties. Emotional intelligence is your best tool here:
Regulate Your Own Emotions: Take a moment to pause, breathe, and ground yourself before the discussion.
Anticipate Their Reactions: Consider how the other person might feel or respond, and be ready to meet their emotions with empathy.
Set a tone of collaboration by validating their feelings and concerns. Acknowledging emotions doesn't mean agreeing with them—it shows you're listening, which helps de-escalate tension and builds trust.
Separate the Facts from your Judgements
One of the most common pitfalls in difficult conversations is mixing observable facts with personal interpretations. Stick to the facts by asking:
What do I know to be true about this situation?
What meaning am I assigning to these facts?
Share factual information and calmly explain the impact you see. Avoid assigning blame or making assumptions about the other person's intentions, as these can erode trust and derail the conversation.
Be prepared for these tough conversations! Download the guided worksheet below to map out a successful path for your next difficult conversation.
Be Curious
By definition, a conversation involves both people contributing to the interaction; it's not a monologue. When you feel uncomfortable with difficult conversations—as people usually are—you're likely to focus only on your perception of the situation. But one-way interactions won't help you achieve your ultimate purpose; the other person has their own perceptions that also need to be brought into play.
To avoid cruising down a one-way conversation street, ask open-ended questions like:
How do you see this situation?
What challenges do you feel are impacting your role or performance?
Be willing to hear and consider any feedback that may be negative and make a concerted effort to not get rattled by it.
Create Psychological Safety
When someone feels threatened or unsafe, their instinctive response is to shut down or become defensive—neither of which moves your toward your ultimate purpose. To counteract this, you must create an environment of psychological safety:
Communicate that you value their input and care about their concerns.
Avoid accusatory language or placing blame.
Maintain a calm and composed demeanor.
Deliver your message with clarity and kindness, ensuring they feel supported while staying focused on the facts and next steps.
End with Clear Next Steps
Conclude by summarizing key points that you both have made, and outlining actionable steps. Things to consider include:
Define Responsibilities: Clearly state who is responsible for each task.
Set Deadlines: Agree on realistic timelines for completion.
Outline Check-Ins: Decide how and when you'll follow up on progress.
Clear next steps ensure alignment and accountability, transforming difficult conversations into opportunities for growth and improvement.
Turn Challenges into Opportunities
Difficult conversations can be troublesome and even intimidating for both parties. Taking these seven steps will you help you as an academic dean turn difficult conversations into opportunities for positive change and stronger relationships.
Start your leadership transformation.
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